Adventures in Eating: Peanut Flips

Church Produce did it to me again.  Maybe it's partly my fault.  I did willingly look around the store at the shelves containing the weird processed foodstuffs.  But the good people at Church Produce are the ones that stock said shelves with said weird foodstuffs.  We may never know who is truly to blame, but I do know that I came home with a bag of "Peanut Flips".

You're as curious as I was now, aren't you?  What the hell are these things?  Why is the anthropomorphic peanut on the bag wearing a baseball cap?  Is 32% peanuts a lot?  It's certainly less than a bag of actual peanuts would be.

The bag makes a lot of interesting claims.  Firstly, "Peanut Flips" appear to be healthy.  They're baked not fried.  They have no trans fats and no cholesterol.  Pffft.  They left all the fun out!  You might as well tell me they were prepared by librarians in bunny suits in a dust free clean room.  Here's another scary advertising blurb from the bag "Peanut Flips is an exciting snack sensation that is raved about throughout Europe and available in the US."  Any truly great snack treat should be raved about in the US and ostracized and/or mocked in Europe.  This does not bode well.

So I opened the bag and poured some Peanut Flips into a bowl.  As you can see, they look like cheese curls.  That could be good, right?  Everybody love cheese curls or at least their delicious cousins, Cheetos, right?  Well, Peanut Flips are just greasy, peanut-flavored cheese curls.  They're strangely addictive, but they are also pretty filling (thank you, Mr. Peanut Grease).  So you'll want to stop eating before too long, and you will be thankful you did.

I'm sorry my adventures in eating have been such a disappointment so far.  I'm sorry for you, my dear reader, that I haven't lead you all to some delicious new treat, but mostly I'm sorry for myself that I keep wasting my calories on mediocrity.